To turn a child against a parent is to turn a child against themselves
Forwarded from Amanda Sillars in Australia by Lena Hellblom Sjögren May 9, 2022
To turn a child against a parent is to turn a child against themselves 💔 We estimate that at least 1 million Australian children are currently alienated from a parent because of parental alienating behaviors. Your signature on this petition is a signature for the future of all children who may become a victim of parental separation or divorce. We are calling for a legislative change. PLEASE SIGN HERE👇 ✅ https://lnkd.in/gAHS3qbh
Photo and text to the photos by Lena Hellblom Sjögren
”Parental Alienation: Time to Prioritize Prevention and Early Intervention Models”
On Sunday, May 1, 2022 from 8-9 PM EDT, Dr. Mary Alvarez will be guest speaker for our international webinar. This event will begin at 7:15 PM EDT with our conference sponsors and we introduce our presenters of our Fall 2022 conference being held in Durham, N. C. It will be titled ”Using and Refining Interpersonal Skills”.
We have been averaging over 1,100 participants in 42 countries for our events. The initial event is of no charge to anyone. This is a ministry of Family Access-Fighting for Children’s Rights. These events give much information and support to alienated family members as well as those professionals who work in the field of alienation. We are fortunate to have some of the top experts in the world who are on these international webinars.
The science of parental alienation has published, and continues to publish, important research findings concerning consequences to severely alienated children. These children are at risk for encountering significant psychological consequences during the alienation from a target parent (e.g., depression, anxiety, PTSD, attachment disorder), as well as continued psychological consequences when these previously alienated children become adults (e.g.,depression, anxiety, substance abuse). It is imperative, therefore, that as a field we increase our attention, resources, and research efforts to prevention and early intervention to combat the development of alienation and subsequent psychological consequences to a child from being unduly alienated from a parent.
This webinar will focus on prevention and early intervention of parental alienation from both a community perspective, clinical perspective, and a research perspective. Important prevention and early intervention research questions will also be addressed.
The deadline to register for this event is Sunday, May 1, 2022 by 6 PM EDT. Click here on this zoom link to register.
Mary Alvarez, PhD earned her doctorate in developmental psychology with an emphasis in cognitive development and neurodevelopment from the University of Houston. Dr. Alvarez, a licensed psychologist for twenty-five years in Texas, has both a forensic and a clinical practice and she specializes in evaluating and treating high conflict families. As a result of her forensic work in family law as a custody evaluator, Dr. Alvarez has evaluated and witnessed the devastating psychological effects on children whose parents are involved in chronic high conflict, including parental alienation. Dr. Alvarez recognized the need to focus on prevention and early intervention of parental alienation, so she codeveloped Resetting the Family to evaluate and intervene with high conflict parents and families that include mild and moderate parental alienation as part of the conflict.
If more people knew about how Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive parenting work, and how damaging these behaviors are to children, then more people can help deal with the problem.
With awareness and education will come social change. Just as now one can’t slap a child, or smoke while pregnant, without everyone knowing that is not acceptable behavior, when social change happens, parents behaving in parental alienation or hostile aggressive parenting behaviors will be recognized. These adults will understand how their behavior hurts their own children, and if they choose to do it regardless, they will not be able to get away with their behavior as easily as today.
There are many professionals such as judges, lawyers, psychiatrists, teachers, police officers, as well the general public that have no idea this problem exists, or if they do, don’t realize the harm it does. The aim of the Awareness Day is to make everyone aware of these problems and encourage the alienating, hostile aggressive parents to seek help.
With awareness comes education, and with education, comes the power to stop the mental and emotional abuse of children.–Sarvy Emo
I love you indefinitely
The one I created you with
An implacable hatred
you learnt to share
You are not allowed to love me
and not me in you
Who am I? You ask yourself when you seek yourself
The answer is that you are a person who has
when you had no other choice than to hate me
It is not your fault
You bear no guilt
You do not have to hate the one who taught you to hate me
A man who is unconscious of himself acts in a blind, instinctive way and is in addition fooled by all the illusions that arise when he sees everything that he is not conscious of in himself coming to meet him from outside as projections upon his neighbor.” – Carl Jung
I believe that we are at the point at which the harm which is caused to children who suffer induced psychological splitting after divorce or family separation, is beginning to be universally recognised. In our work in the courts, with social workers and with adults who were alienated as children all around the world, I see the evidence, that the dynamics which cause children harm, are increasingly recognised. The campaign ‘noise’ around this issue, which is created in a deliberate attempt to normalise behaviours which are harming children, is silenced when we understand that the racket which is being made about the label parental alienation, emanates from those who use primitive defences in everyday life. When we understand that noise as a projection, we understand the intent and the underlying motives and by not engaging with that, we see it fall away.
The problem of children hyper aligning with one parent and rejecting the other after divorce and separation is called variously called Parental Alienation Theory (Bernet, 2021), Resist/Refuse dynamics (Walters & Friedlander, 2016), Attachment Based Parental Alienation (Childress, 2015) and Induced Psychological Splitting, (Woodall & Woodall, 2019). The difference in labels and underlying conceptualisation matters because in clinical work with families this problem is about primitive defences in families of divorce and separation, psychological splitting in children only being one part of the overall problem. Primitive defences were identified by Johnston and Roseby (1997), as being the core dynamic which causes children to reject and before that, Wallerstein and Kelley (1980), wrote about an unholy alliance between child and parent which put the other parent at distance. The knowledge is there in the psychoanalytic literature and in my view, when we look at the problem through the lens of understanding primitive defences and their impact on families, the kaleidoscope of fragmented understanding, comes together in an integrated view of what the problem is and how to treat it.
Understanding the problem in families from a clinical perspective, makes sense of the drama which erupts around the child who has been induced to use psychological splitting. This is a primitive defence, which means that it is infantile in nature, which means that the child and those around the child, are driven back into experiencing the world in simplistic terms of good/bad, black/white, heroes and villains. Having worked in a number of cases where the family system was split in this way, I have observed how the primtive defence of denial and projection is infectious and how legal and mental health teams can begin to split into good/bad factions, projecting their own unresolved material onto their opponents until the whole case resembles a war zone. Primitive defences also give rise to other phenonmena like social contagion, in which emotional responses to an issue spread amongst adherents to a cause, overturning normal capacity to rationalise and triggering conspiracy theories and other behaviours related to splitting, denial and projection. One doesn’t have to go very far on social media to see how this plays out around this issue, the online world being a perfect platform for primitive defences to be displayed.
Away from all of this noise however, the reality of what we are working with, which is the harm which is caused to children when they are bound into adult feelings post divorce and separation, is crystal clear. With greater clarity comes greater understanding and with greater understanding comes willingness to intervene and protect abused children. Thus the task to conceptualise the clinical issues continues and this week I have been working with colleagues to further develop the resources which will support a greater global understanding of the problem we are working with and how to treat it.
In our training to social workers and other family court professionals we use this video to explain what we mean by children’s inate vulnerability to influence by adults.
When you watch this video, it becomes possible to understand the concepts of the biological imperative to attach which are explained by the psychoanalytic literature. When you understand the biological imperative to attach and how this causes children to adapt their behaviours to please and placate adults, it becomes possible to understand the way in which children must be protected from adult feelings during times of significant change like family separation. Building understanding of children’s alignment and rejecting behaviour from this knowledge base, it is then possible for practitioners to recognise why the primitive defences in divorce and separation, are so harmful to children. Skilling the workforce to understand the harm done to children and then to treat it, is our ongoing task, doing this amidst the noise of those using primitive defences to try and frighten people away from this work, becomes easier when the projections are recognised.
Watch the toddler’s face on the video when the woman with the beads invites her to put the beads in the cup. Look at the way that the child experiences the double bind. Everything in her is programmed to mirror, to reflect back understanding and copy putting the beads in the cup. Competing with that is the anxiety based awareness that the other woman doesn’t like the beads going into the cup. What is the child to do? She sits and looks at the beads. She looks at the first woman and shows her confusion, she looks at the second woman and shows her anxiety. Ultimately, it is the anxiety about displeasing the second woman which wins the day and she doesn’t put the beads in the cup.
An alienated child is like this toddler. It is the parent the child is most afraid of displeasing, the parent causing the most anxiety in the child who wins the day, when the child defends against the authentic drive to attach and stay attached. This double bind, in which the child is caught in the mirror of an unhealthy parent’s use of primitive defences, is the problem we are treating when we work with families affected by psychological splitting, causing this, allowing and enabling it and ultimately, failing to protect children from it, is child abuse.
IAPAC will open its conference in Israel on 14/15 June 2022 with a close look at children’s rights in the realm of parental divorce and separation. In doing so, we will open up this space to scrutiny in terms of what is happening psychologically and systemically, in families where children display alignments and rejecting behaviours and what harm is being done to children when the alienation dynamic is denied or misunderstood by practitioners. Examining children’s rights in the round, their right to a voice, their right to live free from adult concerns and their right to be parented healthily after divorce and separation, we will consider and balance the child’s holistic long term needs with their individual rights, in order to understand why interventions are necessary to assist them. Following on from that will be a packed two day conference looking at evidence based interventions with children and families and seminars will therefore be of interest to social workers, psychotherapists and other mental health professionals working with children in divorce and separation.
Examples of the Seminars and Learning Outcomes
Balancing Children’s Rights and Practitioner Responsibilities – understanding the need to intervene when children reject a parent.
Identification with the Aggressor – recognising coercive control of children who reject a parent.
Understanding and assisting the alienated child – evidence based interventions for reunification and recovery.
Integrating polarised thinking in the family where children align and reject – therapy with alienated children and families.
Therapeutic Parenting for Alienated Children – supporting parents to cope, helping children to heal.
April 8, 2022, Lena Hellblom Sjögren, PhD, Licensed psychologist
In Sweden we can be proud that a high percentage of parents (about 35 % according to the Centre for Health and Equity Studies, CHESS) after divorce or separation understand the importance for their children to keep close and regular contact with them both.
In about 7000-8000 cases every year the parents do not take on that responsibility – for the sake of their children´s best health to share parenthood and arrange for their child/children to share everyday life with them both.
Thus, when one parent sues the other for sole custody after separation we have a system in Sweden, not found elsewhere in the Western world, as far as I know. Here is a presentation of what I, after 30 years as a researcher and investigator, have found as these unusual tracks in the Swedish system. As I see it, these tracks jeopardize the possibilityto find the optimal solutions compatible with the guiding principle of the best interests of the child in every decision with animpact on the child´s life.
Thus, here are the unique traits of the Swedish system:
there are no family courts
the only professionals asked by any ordinary court to make investigations about custody, habitation, and contact/visitation rights are social workers
the social workers have a general 3.5 years´ education containing pieces from many fields, but no deeper or specialized education
they have no knowledge from their education about suggestibility, memory distortions, or personality disturbances
thus they are easily manipulated by a parent wishing to exclude the other parent from their child´s life
about 86 % of the social workers are females and quite young when they are allowed to make assessments and also to take a child into forced custody
the social workers do not have a license to defend
they do not have any national guidelines for their work as investigators in family matters
they do not have any standardized tools for their investigations
according to the law regulating the social services, they have 4 months to complete their simple investigations
they as officials are obliged to be impartial and matter of fact-oriented according to the Swedish fundamental law, but they almost never are
they talk without authentic documentation with the parents, the child/children, and one or several reference persons
after that, they make subjective assessments
in their written reports they use a licensed formula system called BBIC which in translation means: The Child´s Best in Centre, with headlines they follow to try to structure their presentation
their reports end with their suggested decision for the court regarding the child´s future life with the parents
this report is approved by a local board (“socialnämnd”) dealing with family and social issues consisting of local politicians appointed by their political party
with the approval of these free time working local politicians this report after this is called the report from the “socialnämnd” and is sent to court
thus there is no physical person in charge of the recommendations regarding the child, very often based on the social worker´s preference for one of the parents
the courts almost always rely on these reports as the foundation for their decisions about the child´s future life
there are rarely any other professionals involved, if so they are seen as irrelevant in comparison with the social workers who have been appointed by the court to find out what the child wants
the court consists of one legal professional, the chairperson, and three laymen judges, appointed by their political party
the laymen judges are more sensitive to local opinions than the legal professional
if the court has decided that the child shall have the right to meet with one parent on a schedule presented in the sentence this can be broken by the preferred parent with the support from the social workers, mostly without any sanction from the court
In summary, the Swedish system violates the best interests of the child and does not respect the child´s right according to national law to have regular and close contact with both parents if they are good enough. Nor are the child´s human rights to best possible health, to keep his/her identity and the right to family life with both parents respected.
Vidaresänt 3 april 2022 av Lena Hellblom Sjögren från Family Access – Fighting for Children´s Rights
Sunday’s episode of Families Divided TV features Dr. William Bernet shares artwork from children who are experiencing alienation and what their drawings tell us of the devastation alienation has on them.
You may watch this episode at 1:30 PM EDT on the Now Network Television. The link to view it is below.
If you have missed some of our Families Divided segments, please go to our Families Divided TV youtube channel to view our past segments. To see all of them, please go to our ”videos” listed at the top for all of the choices.
Please also subscribe to our youtube channel as well. It is of no cost to you and it helps our work. Please share these videos on your social media as well as with others. Thanks much!
Donations are also extremely important for this work to continue doing all that we do. Please help in any way that you can. This work is for our children and grandchildren in getting the word out of the abuse of alienation. It also gives you as alienated family members and professionals who work in the field of alienation much education and support as well. To donate, please click on the link below. Some also donate monthly to our causes. If you wish to donate monthly, please email me at email@example.com. Thank you much!
March 31 2022Forwarded from Family Access Fighting for Children´s Rights
Just wanted to share 2 success stories I have learned about over the last 3 days. The first is a grandmom who had not seen her granddaughter for 2,550 days. They met in a park. As soon as the granddaughter saw her grandmom, she went running to her with arms wide open!
The second is a mom of an alienated adult son. She went to see her son at college, and he met us twice, including once for dinner and we spent a few hours with him. When she returned home, she sent him a text that it was good to see him, and that she was proud of him and he texted back “thank you” a couple of days later. But the best of all – when she was parking in the parking lot of the restaurant, she gave him a brief hug and told him she loved him, and he SAID IT BACK. It was softly said, but she knows what she heard. Awesome news on both counts. Don’t give up. I know that I won’t!!!
Also in your responses to my email yesterday, many are looking for reunification therapists and expert witnesses for court. If you are either of those, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I am going to make a separate web page on our website for those that are. We receive over 2,000 hits a week to our website. Thank you for all the many responses. Please continue to let me know your thoughts. How are you liking Families Divided TV?
Statement of the Global Action for Research Integrity in Parental Alienation
Press releasefor the book presented March 24, 2022
Objective of the book:
Our goal is to make visible problems caused by multiple publications with scientific fraud in parental alienation, such as lack of respect for the rights of children of divorced parents to a life free of violence and to live with their entire family.
Why was the book created?
The book was written because the editors of the fraudulent publications and articles have refused to withdraw them, ignoring the international guidelines in science.
What benefits will the book have?
The book will serve so that the children of separated parents do not suffer from parental alienation, a type of child violence that consists of manipulation strategies of the parent who has custody, with the aim of causing a breakup of the child with the other parent.
Contribution in the World:
Three emblematic cases of books with scientific fraud published by the American Psychological Association of the USA, Norstedts Juridik of Sweden, and the Supreme Court of Justice of the Nation of Mexico are illustrated. The retraction of these books will ensure that new generations of children of separated parents do not suffer from this scourge, which these books have tried to deny through scientific fraud.
The goal of GARI-PA:
The United Nations is requested to intervene so that parental alienation is reincorporated into ICD-11, since the World Health Organization did not provide any explanation of any research that would support the decision to eliminate it.
This book was written by Dr. Alejandro Mendoza Amaro and Dr. William Bernet, who identified this problem and formed an international scientific association made up of delegates from 18 countries. The book was written in English and Spanish to eliminate language barriers.
Presentation of the book:
It will take place on March 24, 2022 (consult the table of time zones in https://fb.me/e/2ry4BFsS2 ), with simultaneous translation between English and Spanish, as well as subtitles in Portuguese. Participating are Dr. Alejandro Mendoza Amaro, Chairperson of Hispanic Regional Chapter; Dr. William Bernet, Chairperson of English Regional Chapter; Dr. Jennifer Harman, Delegate in the United States; Dr. Fabiola González Betanzos, Secretary; Silvana Verónica Giachero, Delegate in Uruguay; and Dr. Angela Morgan, Delegate in the United Kingdom.
Socialtjänsten, likt en hydra med många huvuden. Barnet vaktas av denna tjänst som dess handläggare anser att de ska skydda. Mot VEM? Den ONDA föräldern! Vem är det? Den förälder som de fattat ANTIPATI mot, därför att de tror på den förälder de fattat SYMPATI för, den som sökt deras stöd för att SKYDDA barnet.
Att barnet bryts ned, ibland helt krossas, hör inte dit! De gör sitt jobb, att skydda barnet mot den ONDA och FARLIGA föräldern. Att den andra föräldern förvänt synen på dem förstår inte handläggaren. Hon – det är nästan alltid en hon – har fattat SYMPATI för denna i handläggarens ögon GODA förälder, som kopplar in allt flera för att skydda barnet. Mot vem? Mot den i den denna förälders – och i socialtjänstens – ögon ONDA föräldern. Legenden säger att för varje huvud som huggs av växer två nya ut.
Socialtjänstlagen har varit och ska enligt förslag i SOU 2020:47 ”En hållbar socialtjänst – en ny socialtjänstlag”, förbli en ramlag. Denna lag ger utrymme för de under 3.5 år generalistutbildade socionomerna verksamma som handläggare inom socialtjänsten att göra sina egna tolkningar av denna lag.
En sådan maktställning till handläggare, som dessutom ofta byts ut och inte har några tillförlitliga utredningsverktyg, skapar rättsosäkerhet, bristande förutsägbarhet och en oinskränkt makt för den olegitimerade handläggaren. Det är oförenligt med försvaret av barnets lagliga och mänskliga rättigheter, med grundlagens krav på saklighet och opartiskhet, och med det som är socialtjänstens kärnuppdrag – att hjälpa medborgarna.
Går det att söka råd, stöd och hjälp
av den som har makten att ta ditt barn ifrån dig? Medborgarna ska inte behöva vara rädda för dem de söker hjälp hos – utan få det bättre än de hade det innan socialtjänstens insatser sattes in
Forwarded from Family Acess – Fighting for Children´s Rights by Lena Hellblom Sjögren, February 27, 2022 – perhaps too late – sorry for that. In my book in Swedish ”The child´s right to family life” there are two cases of 25 parents who were falsely accused of having alienated their children.
Attorney Ashish Joshi joins Families Divided TV today, February 27, 2022 at 1:30 PM EST on the Now Television Network. Ashish will be speaking on the subject defending someone who has been FALSELY accused of parental alienation. He also gives advice on selecting the right attorney for a parental alienation case.To view this episode today of Families Divided, you may click on the link below.thenownetwork.orgFamilies Divided is produced by Family Access – Fighting for Children’s Rights, a non-profit organization dedicated to education, information and support for victims of family alienation and also those who work in the field of alienation. We would appreciate any donations you could give as this program is soley done and paid for by Family Access-Fighting for Children’s Rights.Contributions are tax-deductible. For more details, visit www.FamilyAccess.info. If you miss an episode, please go to our Families Divided you tube channel to view past segments. The link is below. All past segments can be viewed by clicking on the ”videos” at the top of the you tube channel page. Please share these videos as well. We need to get the word out to as many as possible.